I just want to wake up without worrying about the way I look. I don't want to spend the rest of my life worrying about my weight, worrying if I'm too fat or not. My weight is one of the least things I want to worry about, I just want to live my life the right way. I just want to be a regular teenager that goes out and have fun, get into trouble, actually have real friends, and having a good time. But I can never get that because my weight is starting to get to me. Everyone is noticing..

I don't care about Timmy anymore and I mean it. I'm too worried about me and Alex, no one else matters but Alex. I'm so sorry for everything, the stress I give him, the arguments, everything.

Found out last night that Alex started smoking. Ugh.. everything is just so messed up. I'm so scared of losing him and everytime I think about it I just cry. I don't want him to leave I don't want us to be over..

Fuck it.

I actually talked to someone about how I've been feeling. That emptiness feeling, I talked it over with Timmy. It's hard to talk about it with Alex since he hasn't been through this feeling yet and so he doesn't understand what I mean. It's pretty complicated, but I do feel guilty. I love Alex but I ache when I talk to Timmy. That's bad...

Mannnnnnnnnn Ryan Bandong is so cute! I wish I had him yo!

Alex is one of the first guys I've ever been serious with. He's so fragile and different and he has lots to learn. After all I am his second girlfriend, he doesn't know shit about relationships haha. But I guess I really do love him and I mean it this time. All those other times I said "I love you" to those guys cannot compare the love that Alex gives to me. And I really appreciate that, who would have ever thought that me and my bestfriend would fall in love?

Quite surprisingly...That guy I thought who looked familiar is actually the guy I thought who looked familiar lol! It's crazy because  it's him! I remember I used to have this major crush on him back in Lowell and there he is all grown up. Aw man he was the first white kid I ever had a crush on. His name was Sam.

Stealing quotes, thoughts, feelings, and etc from tumblr lol. Ever since I deleted my tumblr I've been um how can I say this..unsatisfied? Yeah so I'm kind of angry at myself for deleting it since everything about tumblr reminds me of Timmy. But whatever I guess, he doesn't care and I already know why, no need to explain. Anyway I made a NEW tumblr, I honestly couldn't last without tumblr since tumblr is my resource for almost everything! On my new tumblr I don't really post anything but creep on people and shit.

"Don’t you hate when you have one of the days when you just wanna break down and cry? Those shitty days where you just wanna be left alone, but at the same time you want someone there to comfort you. And when you finally get the courage to actually tell someone your situation, and they don’t understand you, you just get even more frustrated. Especially if you’re already going through some bullshit with your parents. It just drains all your energy, and by the end of the day, you’re just exhausted."