It’s been a couple years since I’ve laid eyes on this blog. I am actually not surprised that how I felt about myself years ago is still the same. I still hate myself and I still hate how I look. I was successful at getting skinnier and actually feeling good about myself but then I ended up pregnant. My precious baby has made me stop myself from ending my life countless times. It’s sad. I feel worst and more numb every year. I am still in a relationship with Alex but it has been rocky. He did end up being like most guys who treat women as objects. Why am I still with him? Beats me... I still genuinely love and care about him but, I am too scarred by our relationship that I don’t feel like we are a good pair. In the end, he cheated on me numerous times up until now. It’s hard to be with someone who hasn’t matured. It’s very very difficult. My baby is amazing though and I am so happy to have had him. He is my light that I hope never goes out. I feel sad that I am not working towards goals for myself. I’ve been supportive for everyone and I am just tired now. I feel like my energy has depleted. Years later I am still depressed and still damaged... it’s so pathetic.