I'm starting to feel guilty. I told Alex that I didn't trust him and I know that those words probably crushed him. I only said it because I was starting to feel suspicious you know, I'm so afraid that he'll leave me for another girl. And I know he's not those other guys, Alex is special. But it's just so hard to gain trust in him so quickly because   Timmy made me lose trust in everyone. I'm just so afraid of that. He's probably mad and upset at me right now. He's most likely having seconds thoughts right now too. I don't blame him though, I would hate me too. I'm such a bitch and honestly I hate that about myself. I might as well be alone forever I'm sorry Alex. Now, I'll just cry myself to sleep. Not only do I upset my family but my boyfriend as well.